Illegal Procedure

I have never even entertained the thought of wanting McNabb to leave Philadelphia. I don’t know anybody who wants this. I only know who Kevin Kolb is because you’ve shown him more than McNabb during the f*#king game. The only people who’ve discussed it are Mike Tirico, Tony Kornheiser, and expert Charles Barkley.

Oh wait, what am I saying? Of course! I really want the Eagles to ditch McNabb for a once and a future career backup! Thanks for reminding me!

Love,

Eagles Fan(s)

Wow. It takes a lot to make Michael Vick look sincere.

Apparently, oft-disgraced wideout David Boston, who was recently arrested for being asleep at the wheel of his car, peed a glass of GHB. (If that doesn’t mean anything to you, you can get some more information from drugged-out ravers here.) There’s no word yet on which dastardly frat boy is suspected of spiking Boston’s candy apple schnapps.

On a personal note, as a Vikings fan, I have to feel pretty good about the fact that Boston was once a top-ten pick; perhaps Troy Williamson is so terrible because he’s always hopped up on panty remover.

just said “when you can give a body part to a teammate….” before his voice trailed off. Of course, Madden was talking about kidneys. But I’m sure that there’s a coarse joke in there somewhere. If only we could find it.

Apparently, walrus and cult member Andy Reid has characterized PR Orlando Jeremy Bloom as “just OK.” We were able to reach Bloom, who got himself banned from college athletics by hanging out with Bode Miller and modeling underwear, for comment: “OK?” he said incredulously, “no, I’m super.” Thanks, Jeremy!

Vikings safety Darren Sharper is flat-out awesome in this tongue-in-cheek quote about Mankato, MN (pop. 32,427), where the Vikings hold their training camp:

Well it’s always a pleasure to come down to such a beautiful place like Mankato. You get to see the nice scenery, the farms. When we were driving here, you get to smell the nice aroma of manure when you hit about 20 miles from Mankato… We get to check out a lot of the nice spots they have here, the nicer restaurants. Red Lobster, which is always a fine place to eat… We definitely get some culture down here. It’s a nice place, we always enjoy coming down here.

[via KFAN, which reports this without detecting that Sharper is kidding]

According to Ben Maller, former Texans GM Charley Casserly believes that JaMarcus Russell has poor technique:

I think you’ve got technique issues, which you hope to straighten out. That leads to inaccuracy issues, mostly lower body mechanics. Scouts I talked to expressed some concern about his work habit and weight control. … I personally thought Leinart, Cutler, and Quinn were better prospects than Russell was.

Yes, Charley, but you also thought that Mario Williams was a better prospect than Reggie Bush or Vince Young.

No, whatever you were saying about Jabar Gaffney (who Gus claims is related to Boba Fett) doesn’t “beg the question.” It “raises the question,” if anything. Learn to speak fscking English, dawg. Update: Apparently Theismann doesn’t know how to beg the question either.

Lincoln Financial Field was awash today as Donovan McNabb rushed into the home locker room waving a blade. Several of the Eagles’ receivers, including Reggie Brown, Hank Baskett, and Brian Westbrook, sustained stab wounds in their palms. It is not known whether it had anything to do with their combined nine catches (Westbrook leading with eight).

Responding to the events, Rush Limbaugh took several painkillers and asked whether this would be a story if McNabb was white.

Hey, Tom Mantzouranis! Last offseason called, and it wants its joke back.