Illegal Procedure

Game notes:

• Less time on hair gel, more time on game plan.
• Trade Santana Moss for Plaxico Burress.
• That Eli is one elusive motherfucker.
• What was Clinton talking about with all that “off-tackle” and “outside” jabber?  Oh, that was on-camera?  How did my hair look?
• Chris who?
• Upside: ball did not injure receivers as it bounced harmlessly off their hands.
• Blame it on Campbell, he looked almost as lost as I did.

After suffering a concussion and being knocked out cold last Sunday, Ben Raeiouthlisberger had an MRI of his head, which found nothing.  No wonder he doesn’t wear a motorcycle helmet.

Why it’s The Caffeinated One choking on Tiki Barber’s enormous manhood. Wait, you say, how is there room in there with Farv plugging up TCO’s latte hole? Farv must be tagging him in the boo this week.

• Washington @ Seattle: Seattle. Easy pick after the lackluster showing by Washington’s offense last week. To be fair, Seattle’s defense is not as good as Tampa Bay’s, but I think their offense more than makes up for it.
• New England @ Denver: Denver. This is the matchup of the week, and not just because I’m a Broncos fan. New England has a 10-game playoff streak, and Denver has a 10-game home streak, as well as a 10-game home streak in December and January. Two great coaches: Shanahan the offensive mastermind vs. Belichick the defensive genius. Denver’s power running game vs. New England’s power passing game. I think Denver is the overall better team, but Brady is the X-factor, as always. I would pick New England in Foxborough, BTW.
• Pittsburgh @ Indianapolis: Indy. This is likely the best defense Indy will have to play for the rest of the postseason, and you better believe they are dissecting the film from the San Diego game. Still, I’m confident that Indy will win and Joey Porter will eat his words.
• Carolina @ Chicago: Tough call.  I’m sure Chicago won’t make it to the superbowl with such a lackluster offense, but they really pasted Carolina the last time these teams met.  I think I’ll take Carolina anyway; they are playing a lot better than they were when they got pounded by the Bears.

I’m publishing this a bit late, but only by Carolina/Chicago pick wasn’t done before Sunday morning.

SI.com has an interesting article up about IP.com’s favorite NFL referee, Ed Hochuli, including his workout regimen and diet.

Hercules’s secret to monster guns? Cheetos, and lots of ‘em.

Well, it’s been a while, hasn’t it?

• Washington @ Tampa Bay: Washington. Like their matchup earlier this season, this should be a great game.
• Jacksonville @ New England: New England. Jacksonville benefitted from a weak schedule (Houston and San Fran in the last two weeks? Come on!) , and they will be exposed in this game.
• Carolina @ N.Y. Giants: Giants. The Giants have been consistently strong at home. And I need to pick against Stevonne Smith (yes, that is how he spells his name) for costing me my fantasy football championship with his temper tantrum.
• Pittsburgh @ Cincinatti: Pittsburgh. Like all divisional rivalries, this one could go either way. I actually believe in Cincinatti a little more, but their D-line is a terrible matchup for the Pittsburgh running game. Looking forward, there’s no way they can get through Pittsburgh, then Denver, then presumably Indianapolis without being able to stop the run.

Here’s a poorly written article documenting the rushing supremacy of the AFC West. This highlights a point I’ve been making since before the season started: the AFC West is the best division in the NFL. The NFC East was looking pretty good until the Redskins, Eagles, and Cowboys were all exposed. Now the AFC West reigns supreme.

I don’t think any individual team has the ability to topple the mighty Colts, but this is a tough bunch of teams, and 2 or possibly even 3 of them will be in the playoffs. The division games over the next few weeks should prove very interesting.

I’m not writing up the big-ass article. I’m tired, and all those tags are an awful lot of work. The WordPress interface blows.

Anyway, I pick all the obvious winners in all games. The only two that aren’t pretty clear are Chicago @ Pitt and KC @ Dallas. I’ll take Pitt over Chicago since they are at home, and I need them to rebound if my fantasy team is going to win in the playoffs. And I’ll take KC over Dallas. Both of these teams are good but seem to choke randomly. I’ll take KC since I was born in that city, and the overly made-up women of Dallas look like a bunch of harlots.

Although I think it’s obvious that Green Bay will finally pull one out vs. the beleaguered Lions, I kinda wish they would lose to keep the Pack in the run for Reggie Bush.

Since Week 8:
Overall: 31/42
LOTW: 3/3
Pathetic Pundit Prediction: 3/3

• Arizona @ St. Louis: St. Louis. Four more field goals for fantasy wunderkind Neil Rackers
• Carolina @ Chicago: Carolina. Which Steve will score the touchdowns today?
• Detroit @ Dallas: Dallas. When asked if he was neverous about returning to the starting spot after Jeff Garcia reinjured his leg, Freddie Harrington Jr.’s said, “What are they going to do, bench me?”.
• Jacksonville @ Tennessee: Jacksonville. I just picked up Matt Jones for my fantasy team after his huge week last week. Memo to Jimmy Smith: you’re old.
• Miami @ Cleveland: Miami. I’ve been burned picking both of these teams against other bad teams, but I’ll pick Miami here, since they beat both Denver and Carolina.
• New Orleans @ New England: New England. Look for New England to have a Category 4 victory here.
• Oakland @ Washington: Washington. Oakland has given everybody in the NFC East a tough time, and I think they could pull off the upset today. I think this might be the best game of Sunday.
• Philadelphia @ N.Y. Giants: Giants. No DMac = no win.
• Pittsburgh @ Baltimore: Baltimore. I would pick Pittsburgh with Roethlisberger or Charlie Batch, but Tommy Maddox is the kiss of death.
• Tampa Bay @ Atlanta: Atlanta. I would pick Tampa Bay if Carnell “Jalopy” Williams didn’t look so gimpy since his foot injury. The Cadillac would have run roughshod over the poor Atlanta run defense. I expect Carolina to win the NFC South, so this game may determine a wild card spot.
• Seattle @ San Francisco: Seattle. Our Kryptonite Lock of the Week, just barely edging out Denver vs. the Jets, because Cody Pickett sucks WAY more than Brooks Bollinger.
• Buffalo @ San Diego: Buffalo’s crappy run defense should make for a big day for LaDanian Tomlinson. San Diego.
• Indianapolis @ Cincinatti: Indianapolis. Cincinatti still hasn’t beaten a legitimate team, and that’s not going to change on Sunday.
• N.Y. Jets @ Denver: Denver. Brooks Bollinger, meet Trevor Pryce.
• Kansas City @ Houston: Kansas City. I have nothing to say about this game, so I’ll just point out that Tony Gonzalez is a leading candidate for biggest fantasy fooball disappointment this year.
• Minnesota @ Green Bay: Green Bay. I’m picking Green Bay because they seem to have put an offense back together with everybody’s favorite nobody, Samkon Gado. But with some of the worst special teams play in the NFL, you have to wonder whether Minnesota won’t run back 2 or 3 kicks to the house again this week.

Pathetic Pundit Prediction: I got nothing this week. Starbuck totally let me down; in fact, the only difference between our predictions is that he thinks Oaktown will upset Washington, which I find pretty plausible. Someone on SI was just claiming that the Falcons would win the NFC South, but for the life of me, I can’t find it. I’ll update this section if I can find something before the games start.

I’m going to have to differ with Eben on the TO situation. For fantasy football players who own TO, his return by week 15 could have a big impact on the playoffs. Personally, I have held onto him where I owned him, and grabbed him in leagues where he was dropped. The media predictions are all over the map: here ESPN’s Sal Paolantonio and Chris Mortensen argue TO has a chance to return, while FOX sports “legal analyst” Rob Becker says no way.

If Donovan McNabb hangs it up for the season to have surgery for his sports hernia, what impact will it have on the TO scenario? It might alleviate the locker room tension, paving the way for TO to return. I doubt that Mike McMahon would complain about having TO on the field to make him look decent. The only downside about this hypothetical situation is that TO may not have near the fantasy value with McMahon behind center.